Caught red-handed

We've all done it. Said something we shouldn't have - and immediately regretted it. Whether it's having a crafty bitch and being caught out, or making a controversial joke in the wrong company, it's a horrendous feeling.

Luckily for the majority of loose-tongued people, this feeling is one that lingers a few days and quickly dies a death. A new piece of juicy gossip replaces it and all is practically forgotten, with the culprit having well and truly learned their lesson.

Shame the same can't be said for poor Fergie. A woman who's made more fatal errors of judgment than Field Marshal Sir Douglas Haig on the battle of the Somme, she's enjoyed a few tabloid-free years before once again being slaughtered by the press.

Candidly claiming she was so broke she "didn't have a pot to piss in," the Dutchess thought she was chatting to an international business tycoon when she offered to 'open doors' and set up a meeting with her Trade Envoy ex-husband. And all for the measly sum of £500,000.

Unfortunately for her, the businessman was actually an undercover News of the World reporter with a camera hidden somewhere in his lapel. That camera was whirring away as she pocketed her £40,000 deposit. And the story was soon splashed over the front cover of every red-top in the country, leaving her highly embarrassed (yet again) and with no other choice but to make a public apology.

You've gotta hand it to Sarah. It's probably the most spectacular gaffe of the year so far (with Gordon's 'bigoted woman' coming close second). But it's the latest in a string of faux-pas made by the former Princess since marrying Andrew in 1986. In fact, the woman's committed social suicide on a number of occasions, with the long-suffering Queen finally washing her hands of her and encouraging other red-faced royals to do the same.

But is all of this Sarah's fault? Okay, she's lived a privileged life most of us could only dream of. Never has she had to brave the tube at rush hour with someone's sweaty armpit in her face. Come winter, despite being dogged with debt, she's the first to hop into a first class seat, champagne glass in hand, headed for sunnier climes and some millionaire's luxury yacht.

She's also peed a considerable sum of cash up the wall when most responsible adults on a divorce settlement of £15,000 a year might have saved a few pennies for a rainy day.

But being posh doesn't mean she's the sharpest tool in the box. Neither does it mean she's streetwise - least of all when it comes to the media. You'd think with all the millions the royals had stashed away they might have sent the poor woman on a media training course. Prince Philip really should have joined her...they might have even been able to haggle a BOGOF deal.

Her latest slip-up was crazy behaviour even by her standards, but it's also desperate behaviour from someone who should have just been paid off by the tight-fisted royals in the first place. If the £15,000 a year settlement rumours are true, it's a surprise she's even got a roof over her head, never mind a pot to pee in.

So come on Queen Liz, pay off Fergie's debts and buy her a place in the Caribbean. That way you may never have to read about her again. For another few years anyway...